


Otherside

by CaffeineAddict94



Category: Daria (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Drama, F/M, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Infidelity, Post-Canon, Romance, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-28 20:37:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18213317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaffeineAddict94/pseuds/CaffeineAddict94
Summary: If she swallowed him whole, it would drown out the demons.AKA random bits I write when I can't sleep. Nothing I write is ever just nice and happy, I'm sorry lol.





	Otherside

**Otherside**

If she swallowed him whole, it would drown out the demons. 

It was the ocean of regret, endless torrents of self-loathing. She tasted him on her tongue and felt the coil of dread and pain tightening at her throat. The white light of the moon shone bright and proud as it spilled through the window of her bedroom and washed over her face. If she fucked him, she could forget the gaping maw of emptiness - gnashing and cold, desperate to crush her beneath its teeth. 

His skin was flushed and warm beneath her fingers and she gladly let her hands explore a body she'd always been desperate to know as intimately as her own. She was numb and sweating, simultaneously there and gone. The fog inside her head made it hard to tell whether she was really awake or trapped in a perfect nightmare. Asleep was better. At least then she could still face herself in the morning. His hands clumsily slid over her waist, coaxed by lustful urgency. His touch was like fire against her skin, white hot and all-consuming. She wanted him to burn her alive. 

"Daria". 

Her name sounded sweeter coming from his lips, almost like it wasn't hers at all. The sound of his voice made her heart ache painfully and she begged for the silence to return. Life wouldn't grant her happiness but the least it could do was let her have peace - just this once. 

"Look at me". 

His eyes were even darker under the cover of night, nearly as black as the shadows pressing in on them. Whenever she looked into his eyes, she felt something shift inside of her. It was twisted and bent, something rotten and foul. It was years of confusion and misunderstanding that refused to let go. She wanted him to suffer too, like she had suffered. It wasn't his fault, he'd tried his best, but she was carrying too much weight and it was crushing her. How could he not have known how much he hurt her? When he reached for her, she leaned into his hand and allowed him to caress her cheek like she was some precious flower. They were both damned, when she really thought about it. These were stolen moments, time that neither of them deserved but that they still selfishly coveted. They'd go to hell, if they weren't there already. 

"It's okay", she murmured, even though it never would be, "I need you". 

When hadn't she needed him? She'd tried to convince herself that he was nothing, that he would never be anything. It was a way to protect herself from the horrors of the world, shield herself from a life of pain and suffering. People were vultures who preyed on joy, on weakness, and sucked you dry. She couldn't allow herself to be vulnerable, not again. It was both a blessing and a curse and she had regrets. So many regrets. He trailed his thumb along her bottom lip before he brought her face forward to meet his. 

Kissing him never got old. The sigh on his lips was always a surprise to her. She wanted him to want her but she couldn't see why he did. After all this time, she still found him to be light years ahead of her, in both spirit and mind. How could he let her touch him when he had better? She wasn't a teenager anymore but she still felt awkward around him, nervous and scared. He had the ability to crush her, over and over again, and she still welcomed him in. Maybe she wanted the pain, to remind herself that she was still alive. He ducked down to trail his lips along her neck and she let her eyes fall shut as latent memories climbed to the surface. 

She thought back to the night they'd finally succumbed to sin, allowed themselves to fall together. He'd drowned himself in malt liquor and she'd watched as he became a ghost, lost and wandering in his own home. At the time, she'd told herself to leave but she knew she wouldn't. Life always pulled them back together, like it took pleasure in their agony. No matter how much she tried to increase the distance, it was never far enough. She'd sat down at his side, told him some joke she couldn't remember, and the pregnant pause that followed said everything they never would. 

He was stiff in her hands and his labored breathing was like a song she'd never tire of. She used to fantasize about him, daydream about a life that she didn't have. It was her dirty little secret, the only way she could make it through the tedium and monotony. He was everything she wanted, no matter how much she tried to run from it. She kept her true thoughts carefully guarded, never letting slip how much she longed for his touch, his attention, his love...

This wasn't love; it was sorrow. She could feel it in the air whenever they were together, the loneliness that was ice cold. They needed to be a part of each other but the pieces didn't fit quite right. She would never stop trying though. No, she couldn't. 

She let his fingers dance across the soft skin of her stomach as he helped her out of her worn sweater. She kissed him again, hungrily, willing the world to stop for just a moment. 

If she could keep kissing him like this then she'd gladly take her seat in Hell. 


End file.
